What Did You Expect??

Here are the gold nuggets from chapter 4…

“The reconciliation of a marriage must be a lifestyle, not just the response you have when things go bad.” – 57

“If you are going to have a marriage that lives in unity, understanding, and love, you must have a little-moment approach to your marriage.” – 57

“We are all the same; the character and quality of our life is forged in little moments.  Every day we lay little bricks on the foundation of what our life will be.  The bricks of words said, the bricks of actions taken, the bricks of little decisions, the bricks of little thoughts, and the bricks of small-moment desires all work together to from the functional edifice that is your marriage.  So, you have to view yourself as a marital mason.  You are daily on the job adding another layer of bricks that will determine the shape of your marriage for days, weeks, and years to come.” – 58

Reconciliation is a lifestyle: What does this mean?

1. “You must live in your marriage with a harvest mentality.” – 62

“You have to buy into the principle of consequences.  Here it is: there is an organic relationship between the seeds you plant and the fruit you harvest.” – 63

“There will be organic consistency between the seeds of words and actions that you plant in your marriage and harvest of a certain quality of relationship that you will experience as you live with one another.” – 63

2. “You must live in your marriage with an investment mentality.” – 63

“Our behavior in any given situation of life is our attempt to get what is valuable to us out of that situation.” – 63

“An argumentative moment is an investment in the treasure of being right, and from it you will et some kind of relational return.  If you aggressively argue your spouse into a corner, it is not likely that the return on the investment will be her appreciation for you and a desire to have one of those conversations gain!  If you invest in the treasure of willing service, you will experience the return of appreciation, respect, and a great friendship intimacy in your marriage.” – 63

“Investment is inescapable, you do it every day, and you are seldom able to escape the return on your investments you have made.” – 64

3.  “You must live in your marriage with a grace mentality.” – 64

“I think there are many Christians living in Christ-less marriages.  Without knowing what they have done, they have constructed a law-based marriage, and because of this, they are asking the law to do what only grace can accomplish.” – 64

“We must not simply hold one another to the high relational standards of God’s Word, but we must also daily offer the same grace that we have been given to one another so that we may be tools of grace in the lives of one another.  Our confidence is not in the ability we have to keep God’s law but rather in the life-giving and heart-transforming grace of the one who has drawn us to himself and has the power to draw us to one another.” – 6

Discussion Questions:

  1. What kind of seeds are you sowing into your marriage (speech? actions? attitude?)?
  2. What are your heart’s desires?  What do you treasure?  Will these things bring you the return on your investment you desire?
  3. Is your marriage’s foundation law-based or grace-based?

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